Regret
by iheartrich
Summary: Seung Jo and Ha Ni has been together for five years. But as years gone by, Seung Jo became cold leaving Ha Ni thinking if he still loves her or not. She went out of town while Seung Jo was busy in the hospital. He was cold until.. This is my first fanfic please spare my grammar and english! :)


Regret

_Disclaimer Rights: I do not own Playful Kiss._

_Some parts of the story are not related to the series or the manga._

* * *

Seung Jo and Hani had been in a relationship for a while. They were a happy couple and shared lots of good and bad times. Ha Ni decided to move to their old home with his father because she thought that it was not good if others knew that they were living under one roof without even getting married yet. Although not living together, they never fail to communicate. It has been like that for a few years.

However, after being together for 4 years, Ha Ni noticed Seung jo got colder than usual. He and Ha Ni were together for the past 4 years but he never hinted a desire to propose. He even avoids the topic of marriage. He even got colder each day. Ha Ni who was so in love with Seung Jo and she felt sad and disappointed.

"Does he really love me?" she thought one day when she was alone in her room. "Maybe he's just really busy with his work now.", convincing herself. Ha Ni understood Seung Jo's situation and his love for his work.

One day, they got into a cold fight. No one is speaking. Seung jo never texted her.

She was having problems with her grades that day. And also, she found out that her dad can't afford to get her to school anymore. She was very depressed. Because she doesn't want to worry anyone, she kept everything to herself. She does not want to talk to her father about it because she knows that it will make him sadder. She also does not want to bother her friends and Seung Jo's mom because she knows that they can never understand her situation.

The only one she knows that she can turn on to is Seung Jo but she has never heard of him since yesterday afternoon. She called him since morning but he did not text nor pick up his phone. Ha Ni was so worried.

She texted Seung Jo, telling him "Baby, I need to talk to you. I really need someone to talk to."

But Seung Jo who was really busy with the hospital texted back after 2 hours, "Sorry but I can't help you with your problem."

She texted back, "Ow. You said right away that you can't help me without even knowing what my problem is?"

He texted back, "I'm sorry."

Ha Ni was so disappointed. What went wrong? She thought. Her heart-felt like it is broken into pieces. She replied, "Okay. I'm sure you've got your own problem. I am so sorry that I can't be there with you and that I cannot help you."

He did not reply after that. She texted again "I was wondering if you are free tomorrow or next week? Maybe you can go with me to some quiet place outside the city. Just to hang out and think." She waited but did not get any reply from him.

Wanting to get away from all the problems around her, she decided that night that she will go alone on her own. She texted Seung Jo, "Seung Jo, sorry for bothering you always. Thank you for everything you've done for me for the past years. I really appreciate it. I will pay you back someday. I promise. I love you." Still no text or call from him, she decided to sleep it all away.

The following day, early in the morning, without telling anyone even Seung Jo that she will go somewhere, Ha Ni decided to ride on a bus. "I needed to see the sea for a while and think" she thought. After a few hours, she arrived at her destination. The smell of the salty wind from the sea made her mind at ease. She went to eat first on a nearby small restaurant before taking a walk on the shore.

It was a very good and sunny day. Not too warm, not too cold. It was perfect. "I wish Seung Jo was here with me today.", she thought.

Small tears went to her cheeks which she immediately wipes. She breathed in and out the fresh sea breeze.

After a few walks, she decided to sit on the sand and just like a child she wrote on the sad. _Seung Jo 3 Ha Ni. _She erased it feeling that there is something wrong with it and replaced it with _Ha Ni loves Seung Jo a lot. _

With that she burst out crying. With her legs and knees bent toward her chest, she covered her tears with her head on her knees.

Ha Ni looked at her clock, 11 am it read. She wondered what was Seung Jo doing now. She took out her phone from her bag and looked for a text or call from him. There was none. She texted him immediately because she is kind of worried with him "Baby, how are you? You're a busy body huh? Don't forget to eat and rest for a while 'kay? I'm out for a while today, just went for a walk outside the city. Hope you don't mind. I need to clear out my mind once in a while J. I love you so much. Please take care of yourself."

Waiting for his reply, she took out her pen and a little notebook from her bag and begins to write her thoughts.

_Life is really beautiful. There maybe bad things happening now and then but the way I am looking at the sea and sky now makes me feel so blessed._

The next page, she wrote

_I wonder if a time machine will be invented, maybe if there will be, I would ask to go back during the times I am with him, not to change what happened in the past, but to reminisce and appreciate it more._

She stretched her body, let out a big sigh, and lie on the sand. "What a wonderful feeling!" she told herself almost shouting. She talked to herself "Aaaah... I've done the right thing to go out-of-town. This feels so good! Hope Seung Jo can see and feel this too."

With Seung Jo on her mind, she rose and begun to write a letter for him

_Dear Seung Jo,_

_It's been a while right? We've been too busy with so many things that we are having a hard time catching up with each other. How have you been? You know that I really missed you right?_

_I'm sorry for being childish most of the time. I only want to look sweet sometimes. Hihihi. Yes I know it is me being weird to equate being childish for being sweet. But really, sometimes I just want to cuddle with you and hug you and tell you that everything's going to be okay._

_I really want to tell you something. Honestly, I am having problems now with my grades and school. I know you'll be disappointed but I am really trying my best so please don't be mad. And that my dad is having a hard time with the restaurant and he probably can't afford to help me continue my studies. But don't be worried, I'm sure I can do something about it._

_I want to tell you so many things, Seung Jo. About me, about us, about our "future" together. Please don't be scared. It's only me and my little dream of being with you. Please don't feel pressured or whatever. I only want to share my dreams with you. My dreams of getting married with you with me on my white dress, having our own home and our own little you and me. ;) I wanted to tell you this for a long time but it seems like you are trying to avoid it. I understand though, you are not yet ready and you are not thinking of it. What is important to me now is for you to tell me and make me feel is that you still love me. That is all._

_I know I don't have what it takes to be your perfect girlfriend but I can assure you that I'm perfectly in love with you, then, now and even forever. I love you Seung Jo. Even if time comes that we need to be apart please do not forget, I love you. Always have and always will._

_Love,_

_Your Oh Ha Ni :D_

_Ooh that was a long one_. She thought. Suddenly her phone vibrated, and was surprised to see a text from him. She read it.

"Ha Ni, I am sorry. I had a 24-hour duty and was very busy in the OR. There was a major accident which happened near the hospital. Where are you?"

She smiled and texted back "Hi Seung Jo, have you eaten yet? It's already 1 pm. Are you tired? I'm here by the sea catching some fresh air. How was it? Was the accident very serious? I hope everyone's fine."

A few minutes, Seung Jo texted back, "I'm sorry Ha Ni I was not able to go with you. I've been very busy, you know the hospital will be in chaos without my help."

"Yes I know I understand. They need you there Mr. Genius. Don't you worry about me. I'll fetch you there around 4 pm okay? I'll be on my way home. Eat your lunch first and rest in your office okay? No buts or arguments. You need sleep. I'll be there in no time. See you soon babe. I love you."

"Okay. Take care. I'll be inside my office. We need to talk too." Seung Jo replied.

"_We need to talk. _What does he mean by that? Anyway, I need to get back home." She thought.

After few more minutes, Ha Ni breathed the last sea breeze she could inhale. After that she went back to catch the bus to Seung Jo's hospital. Everything was going fine. 30 more minutes and she'll be arriving at the hospital.

"I miss you already. I can't wait to see you soon. J" text sent.

"I'll be here in my office waiting for you. I love you."

_I love you. I love you. _Three words repeated inside her mind. _He loves me still. _ She smiled wholeheartedly until she heard a loud sound of the bus honking and a wobbling truck speeding up towards the side of her seat near the bus driver. It happened all at once. And everything became still.

Seung Jo's POV

Seung Jo is inside his office. He fell asleep and just woke up. He looked at his clock. 3:30 pm. Got his phone and saw the text from Ha Ni "I miss you already. I can't wait to see you soon. J" _Really? She really is still immature. _He smiled. _Ha Ni will arrive soon. _He thought.

He texted her "I'll be here in my office waiting for you. I love you." Wait. He erased _I love _you and thought that it was cheesy. However, something's telling him to type it again. And he pressed sent. He took again a nap because he was still sleepy and alarmed his clock after 20 minutes.

Seung Jo overslept. And when he looked at the time it said 4:15. He immediately rises and fixed his hair and face. _Ha Ni isn't here yet? Oh maybe she's been caught with heavy traffic because of the incident a while ago. _He thought.

He felt his body aches all over because of his position while he was sleeping. He went down the hospital for a while to breathe some air. He texted Ha Ni "Where are you?" and got no reply after 3 minutes.

He texted again "Where are you Ha Ni? It is almost 4:30. Where have you been?!". A little impatient because Ha Ni's taking too long to reply. He thought that maybe she fell asleep on the bus or something like that. She called her cellphone. The phone just kept on ringing and ringing.

After 5 long minutes, he noticed that three ambulances were coming towards the hospital. _What a busy day! I'm glad duty is over. _He thought. Still waiting for Ha Ni, he decided to wait for her inside the office when he feels something inside his stomach. That something is wrong.

He decided to help and took over the emergency scene and when the third ambulance was taking out the patient, Seung Jo's eyes grew big. He is contemplating, realizing if what he is seeing was true. He could not recognize clearly her face. But the color of her long hair, her cute dress which she had worn before when they were together, he knew it belongs to someone he knows so much.

Seung jo stood there on the scene. Doctors and nurses pushing him and telling him to get out-of-the-way. But Seung Jo was left out in a daze.

_This isn't true. This isn't true. _He kept on repeating it inside his head. Until he snaps out of it and called Ha Ni's number again. It rang and he could hear it inside the girl's pocket. He ran towards the ER when he realized that everything that is happening is true.

In the ER, the doctors and nurses attend to the bloody and injured woman on the far end bed. They were resuscitating her with CPR and inspect every single inch of her body. Seung Jo was so scared. So scared to look at the scene. He went nearer to her bed.

"Ha Ni.." he whispered like he's convincing himself that it was really his Oh Ha Ni. "Ha Ni.. Ha Ni!" he shouted. Everyone in the ER was shocked but they have to continue attending to the patients. A doctor and a nurse approached him and held his arms.

He displaced their arm and still shouted "No Ha Ni! No! It's not you right?! Ha Ni!" He insisted on going over to Ha Ni. But the other nurses restricted him and told him "Dr. Seung Jo, please stay calm. She's being attended to. Please don't make a scene here!"

"Who told you I'm making a scene! How can you tell me to be calm! It's my Ha Ni!". It was a heartbreaking scene in the ER. "We assure you Dr. They' are doing their best to save her."

"Doing your best is not fine! Save her! Please save her!" Seung Jo pleaded.

Seung Jo was led out of the ER door. He felt so weak that he sat on the floor with his back supported by the wall. He was very shocked he has no idea what he is doing or thinking. _Please God, don't take her away. I've got so many things to tell her._

Three long hours went by after Ha Ni's operation was done and she was sent to the ICU. Seung Jo has called his parents and Ha Ni's father. They all waited for the doctor's statement.

"I'm afraid to tell you that the patient is in critical condition. Her vitals are stable now but it still depends after 24 hours." Dr. Hung told everyone. Seung Jo felt so mad that he grabbed the doctor's collar.

"You! Aren't you one of the greatest surgeons in the country?! Why can't you say that she'll live!"

"Seung Jo, stop that!" his father said.

"Dr. Seung Jo, you are also a doctor." Dr. Hung said calmly. "You know that what we can do is only to stabilize and care for the wounds of the patient. We all know that God is the final decision maker. We do not know what He decides."

That being said, Seung Jo's nerves calm and he apologized to Dr. Hung. Dr. Hung patted his back and told her "We'll do our best and we'll wait."

30 minutes had passed and Ha Ni is being monitored inside the ICU. Visitors will be allowed later said the nurse. He hands out a purse to Seung Jo saying that it belonged to his girlfriend.

Seung Jo looked inside her bag and found a notebook stained with a little blood. His heart is like being crushed into pieces seeing Ha Ni's blood.

He began to look inside the pages and on the first few pages he saw what Ha Ni has written a while ago.

"_Life is really beautiful. There maybe bad things happening now and then but the way I am looking at the sea and sky now makes me feel so blessed."_

_Ha Ni, you really are very optimistic. _He placed a crooked smile. He turned to the other page.

"_I wonder if a time machine will be invented, maybe if there will be, I would ask to go back during the times I am with him, not to change what happened in the past, but to reminisce and appreciate it more."_

_The way you think is really different huh? Oh Ha Ni. If there is a time machine I would go back and change everything and save you from the hell you're going through now. _Tears came down his face.

He turned to other pages and saw doodles of the sea, sun and sand. _I wish I was there with you. I bet it was beautiful right Ha Ni?_

He closed the notebook and put it on his pocket. Visiting time is already on-going. He immediately went to the ICU to saw her Oh Ha Ni.

He couldn't think clearly the moment she saw Ha Ni. Seeing other patients like this is normal like it is an everyday scene for him. But today is different, the one he loves the most was covered in tubes and needles with machines all around her. She's like a doll living only because of batteries.

He looked for her hand and held it. It was cold. Not the usual warm hands which he held for so many years. _Where was I all this time? _He thought.

"Your hands are cold Ha Ni. I almost forgot how your hand feels like" he told her.

Tears came running from his eyes. He covered it with his other hand while the other still holding on her. He wiped it dry again and took out the little notebook in his pocket.

"I read your notes Ha Ni. They were beautiful. I'm sorry for being so busy. I wasn't able to be with you. I'm sorry.."

He opened her notebook once again to tell her what she wrote and his comments. It's like reading her a story. Suddenly, he browsed the other pages like someone was telling him to do so. He was surprised to saw that it was addressed to him.

"_Dear Seung Jo," _he read

"_It's been a while right? We've been too busy with so many things that we are having a hard time catching up with each other. How have you been? You know that I really missed you right?" _I missed you too, he thought. He read the rest of the entry without thinking.

"_I'm sorry for being childish most of the time. I only want to look sweet sometimes. Hihihi. Yes I know it is me being weird to equate being childish for being sweet. But really, sometimes I just want to cuddle with you and hug you and tell you that everything's going to be okay._

"_I really want to tell you something. Honestly, I am having problems now with my grades and school. I know you'll be disappointed but I am really trying my best so please don't be mad. And that my dad is having a hard time with the restaurant and he probably can't afford to help me continue my studies. But don't be worried, I'm sure I can do something about it."_ I know you're doing your best stupid girl. He thought. His eyes blurred from tears building up in his eyes. He held his one hand over Ha Ni's hand and squeezed it.

"_I want to tell you so many things, Seung Jo. About me, about us, about our "future" together. Please don't be scared. It's only me and my little dream of being with you. Please don't feel pressured or whatever. I only want to share my dreams with you. My dreams of getting married with you with me on my white dress, having our own home and our own little you and me. ;)" _he broke into tears the moment he read this.

"_I wanted to tell you this for a long time but it seems like you are trying to avoid it. I understand though, you are not yet ready and you are not thinking of it. What is important to me now is for you to tell me and make me feel that you still love me. That is all._

"_I know I don't have what it takes to be your perfect girlfriend but I can assure you that I'm perfectly in love with you, then, now and even forever. I love you Seung Jo. Even if time comes that we need to be apart please do not forget, I love you. Always have and always will. Love, Your Oh Ha Ni :D"_

"Ha Ni... Ha Ni..." He can't find the words to tell her how he feels. He feels so devastated and guilty and mad at himself. "Ha Ni, please don't think that way. You are my most perfect girlfriend. You are the one perfect for me..." He cried silent tears inside the room when he felt Ha Ni's hand squeeze his softly.

"Ha Ni..." he whispered carefully not wanting to wake her up. She needs rest he thought.

"**S...ng Jo..."** Ha Ni barely said. She slowly opened her eyes. She smiles like she was not hurt.

"Ha Ni...please rest my love. Please don't stress yourself. You need your energy to.." he was stopped when Ha Ni weakly lifted her hands to tell him to stop.

"**Seung Jo..I'm so glad you are here. I'm picking you up right?.." **she said slowly while smiling.

"Yes Ha Ni, we'll go home together when you're all healed."

"**Together.."** she said closing her eyes. She coughed.

"Ha Ni! Are you ok?!"

"**I'm ok.."** Ha Ni saw Seung Jo reading her notebook. "**You're reading my letter?"**

"Yes.." he admitted. "Ha Ni, I'm not scared of being with you. I'm scared that I may not be a good husband to you. Look at me I barely had time looking out for you. And look what happened to you."

"**Shhh... please don't blame yourself.. I am happy you are here with me now."** She said weakly touching his face. Seung jo reaches out her hand on his face.

"Ha Ni.."

"**Thank you Seung Jo. I'm sorry that my dreams won't come true now.."**

"Stop saying that!" Seung Jo touched her lips. It was cold. "You'll live ok? You'll live. We'll live together. It is not a question it is an order. We'll have our little you and me." Seung Jo said, crying holding Ha Ni's hand with both of his large hands his face over their hands like he was pleading.

"**Seung jo.."** he looked up to her "**Don't cry... You'll be good ok.. You'll have your little you someday.. Find someone better than me... Someone you'll love...Promise me."**

"No Ha Ni! You are the best for me no one's better. Please.. Don't leave me."

"**I won't. I'm always right here." **Pointing to his heart. "**Kiss me Seung Jo."**

"Ha Ni..please." he said crying. He was never like this. Crying and pleading to someone. But then, he accepted her request.

He bent over to Ha Ni's small injured face. Even with tube on her mouth. He bent and kissed her.. tears flowing from their eyes.

"**I love you Seung Jo..always have..always.."** Suddenly a loud noise was heard. A flat line.

"Ha Ni!" He tried to save her doing CPR "Ha Ni don't leave me please! I love you! I love you sooo much! I'm sorry for being so cold.. please come back to me." The doctors and nurses came and saw a lifeless woman and a fellow doctor saving her and crying like no one else is there but them.

"Ha Ni! Please... don't do this to me. I've got so many things to tell you. To tell you I love you so much and be with me forever!"

He fell down on his knees knowing that he can't save her. His love cannot save her. Her love for him cannot save her. He regretted all the time that he took her for granted. If only he was with her this would not happen.

He stood up removed the tube on her mouth and kissed her his final goodbye.

The doctors and nurses respected his decisions and let them be. It was a heartbreaking scene.

_Time cannot be brought back. It is a cliché but show someone how much you love them while they are still here in this world. Laugh with them, dance with them, sing with them, hold their hand and kiss them, for you'll never know, one day all of it might be gone._


End file.
